I drank a bottle of wine and cried myself to sleep last night. There. I said it. Now I feel at least slightly better about the amount of self-pity I bestowed myself. Most of my friends gave me the “suck it up, you’re better than that” speech. And of course, eventually I did. I woke up this morning with a much more positive and cheerful demeanor and I went my own way. I don’t even know why a “would have been” anniversary of the day I got married even made me feel so bad for myself. I guess I am just one of those people who don’t accept failure as a viable option in life, and sadly this was out of my hands. My Mom asked me yesterday if there was ever a time, even in just daydreaming would I ever consider going back with XAH, I furiously shook my head “NO WAY.” Simple as that. And then she expressed that she at times feels at (least a little) sorry for him. I can see that. He is worthy of sympathy, at times, but only from afar. Truth be known, he just can’t get it together. It was never my job to save him. I did however get an incredibly touching message from a close friend last night before going to bed, which essentially called me an earth bound angel, sent to save others when they needed me. While I consider that far-fetched and far too generous, it was incredibly sweet and kind and really made me feel a lot better. Sometimes the people we surround ourselves with can save us too, when we need it, and yesterday I felt far too broken to save myself. I know now, that I am ready, for everything I had denied myself of in the past, true fulfillment of self, my education and career goals, and a loving happy and stable relationship based on love and not bias. In essence I am ready to just “get back out there” and be open to giving myself the happiness I have always truly deserved. Things today, and this week in general aside from my pity party, have shown me that truly the sky is the limit. I am ready to launch a new website which will fulfill one of my life’s passions, and I have just learned of another amazing opportunity which has come my way. It is: “My moment to shine” and in the words of a dear friend: “Go out there, smile that beautiful smile, and BE the star that you are!” And as the curtain may be closing on this chapter of my life, my story is truly only just beginning. So, in the interest of not “dwelling” and moving forward, I am finally ready, to say goodbye, likely for the last time. This place has been a saving grace in my life, everything I needed when I needed it and the support, love and friendship I have gained since starting “Young and Divorced” has been truly immeasurable and humbling. My parting words of wisdom in what I have learned along the way; Give yourself time and space to heal, allow your passions in life to lead you as far as you want to go, don’t ever let the way others see you stifle your hope, or your spirit. If someone pushes you away, stay gone. The people that love you, will really never leave, surround yourself with the brightest, best and most lovable people you know, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, admit your mistakes, and move on when something is over. Know that you cannot change others. You will come across people with hate in their heart, leave them be. Don’t let guilt eat away at you, it’s a useless waste of time. Cry when you need to, and sleep when you can! Never turn down an opportunity to better yourself. Education: standard and life’s lessons are, priceless. Never stop learning. Love your parents. Enjoy time with family and friends, and revel in alone time when you are able.
You have all touched my life so much. Thank you.
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