As usual, I have been delving into the subject of relationships and how to better understand communication between men and women. To understand one relationship, typically your own, is one thing, but painting a broader brush on relationships as a whole, gets really tricky, messy and complicated. The same adjectives could be used to describe your own relationship, who knows.
Of course, all I have to go off of, is the information that I research, and what I see and experience in my own relationships and the ones closest to me. For example, I have a friend who is very happy in her relationship with her boyfriend. They have been dating for almost 4 years; they live together and are committed to one another. So what is different about them? Neither one of them has ever uttered the words “I love you” nor do they don’t seem to intend to at any point soon. So who is to say this is strange if it works for them? Really no one can judge, but for me personally, I could not be in a relationship for that period of time without hearing those words. I am just that way. I have another friend who has been with her boyfriend for two and a half years but they insist on always keeping their own place and not staying together on many “overnight’s” together. To that I say, what’s the point of being committed then? Isn’t the very core of commitment based on dealing with the TOUGH issues that come along on a daily basis? Who kills the spiders? Who unclogs the drain? Who but your partner has to deal with your morning breath and messy hair in the morning?
Another friend of mine once defined “love” as: “The tough things you go through after being together a period of time, dealing with their shit day in and day out, figuratively and literally, the morning breath, the being sick, the time with family, the time spent away from your own to be with that person, having all of that and still being happy, still wanting that person over anyone else in the world, is what love is” I think he had a good point here.
I read an article today that sparked my interest because of Miel. In the past he had these “roadblocks” reasons why it wouldn’t or couldn’t work between us, and maybe he still has those reservations, I’m not entirely sure. But the article said this:
“Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it on someone who doesn’t understand you, refuses to try and get you, won’t put in the time for you, who is rude to you, your friends or to other people and doesn’t even call you. Don’t worry about if they read, if they don’t read, if they watch movies or if they’re into the wrong kind of music; worry about whether they care what you like and you do. Details are important, but if the world ends this year, it’ll be more important to say you wasted the time you have left with someone who cares.”
The irony comes into play when thinking back on our last serious conversation, when I said “life is too short to be so unsure of everything, just jump in, you have to just take chances”
Just yesterday, when I got to Miel’s I was on the verge, and just still coping with having a terrible day, and there he was with open arms and a smile. It was all I needed. And I never had to ask for it. So it seems to be that he DOES understand me. He anticipates my mood and seems to respond well. But I am still on that “life is short” line, and can’t seem to move past it. If he has reasons we wouldn’t work out in the future, should I stay just for the “here and now” or should we back off, should we see other people, should we try to spend time apart? I have NO idea. Quite honestly, my relationships to this point in my life have always been clearly defined. Have we ever said we are exclusive? No. But I made it clear that I wasn’t seeing anyone, and he said the same. But that honesty isn’t the same as agreeing to be committed. This is where so many women go wrong. They think they understand what is being said as a prediction for the future, or worse a promise of some level of commitment. It’s not.
I decided that I am worth having everything that I didn’t get in the first go around, everything that I have ever wanted, could be and can be mine, the only person who could mess that up? Well of course, that would be yours truly.
So here goes, day one of my mystical journey to ultimate happiness. I’m going to hold my breath, go for gold, and see what happens. I promise for more updates later.