Unexpected emotions….?

20 Aug

Today, is unfortunately not a very good one for me. I don’t even know why. I have this knot in the pit of my stomach, so naturally I am just waiting for something bad to happen. I know I am typically pretty upbeat about my situation, about moving on, about starting over, but not today. I feel trapped, stuck in a situation where I can’t move forward or backward, and everything around me is moving so fast.  I have this vision in my head of everyone moving past me, not looking at me, and by the time I can move again, I can never catch up. Why am I feeling this dread today? It is just following me around and I try but can’t shake it. I guess part of this is the knowing that I
can’t control this process, I can’t make it go faster, I can’t control XAH and his drama. Have I ever told you how free I felt when I initially left my marriage? I feel some guilt in saying that, but I did feel free, I knew in my heart that this decision was the only one capable of bringing me happiness in my life, but I knew that pain and guilt and anger and resentment would follow after that first feeling of being freed. And all of those emotions did come, and still occur from time to time, but I have never necessarily been sad and that’s almost how I feel today! Over what, I haven’t a clue, but its dragging me down

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5 Responses to “Unexpected emotions….?”

  1. malinkasstudio August 20, 2012 at 5:24 pm #

    Hello, I really enjoy reading your blog and I nominated you for the A Thought Provoking Blog Award, please see here the details: http://malinkasstudio.wordpress.com/2012/08/20/a-thought-provoking-blog-award/

  2. beyondtheborder August 20, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

    It happens… you might be going through PMS or ovulation, people tend to get emotional at that time… Its probably a good idea to go for a jog, hang out with a friend, try a new activity… or even read a how to cope with a divorce book

  3. Alex August 20, 2012 at 5:45 pm #

    I empathize with your pain and sadness. My wife and I have been In a really bad acrimonious rendezvou in our walk to the finish line; just the night before last, we FINALLY signed our final agreement and today She, her attorney and my attorney are in court right as I write this to have the Judge sign it and make it official. My heart hasn’t stopped from feeling so very sad, alone and crushed. I didn’t want it as much as she did, so I’ve been doing much of the crying, and I’m the husband. My biggest reason for the pain is because we have a little 20 month little girl who had her daddy by her side day and night as I studied and was able to do so. So my pain comes from so many angles and one of them is not being able to be by my daughter’s side everyday any longer, and all the suffering I’m sure this has brought on her, too. So, to say that you started with a push of energy and are slowing down and feeling the pain is an understatement. You are human; you have a heart and feelings and even if he wasn’t the best option ultimately, it still hurts you. I hate days as you are describing; the sun doesn’t shine as bright as any other on days like this. I always like to leave someone with a little gift so, my little gift to you, and I hope you enjoy, is a little song by Kris Allen titled Teach Me How Love Goes. Hope it helps. Alex.

    • ditchthemarriage August 20, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

      I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine going htrough this with children involved, it must be heart wrenching. Thank you for the kind words.

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