Dear readers,
I am not sure what I would do without you! After a quite long hiatus from social networking I returned today to wish someone a happy birthday (obviously this was someone not worth a call or text) but ignoring the birthday would be rude and probably come back to karma-kick me in the ass, so alas I returned to the horrid site whose name I will not mention but who I am sure has been the cause of many a break-up over the years it has been in existence. XAH (I finally named the Ex and that is what I came up with, you figure out what it means) anyway, his family has finally spoken! They had been silent for more time that I wish to think about. The family I called my own, the family I did EVERYTHING with, the family I left my own family for year after year to celebrate holidays with. Well, I expected they would rally around their “prince” of a brother-son, but I did not expect them to blow me out on social media of all places for no reason (A place they knew, or thought they knew I could not defend myself)
I know their words should not carry any weight with me, but it hurt nonetheless. I am forever grateful for my own family and friends, and for all of you, but today was such a punch in the gut I am admittedly, a little worse for wear. So, I handled it in a respectful way and went about my day. I just can’t shake this feeling though; knowing there are people out there who hate me just for the sake of it, who believe that I am the “bad guy” somehow. Oh, how I wish they knew the truth about XAH, perhaps maybe then they would understand…
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Ugh!!!! Gosh people are so miserable!! I know how you feel. I dated a pedestal prince also. Gosh that break up was fun. Watching him make sure he maintained his crown while throwing me under the bus for safe measure. Eff those people. They obviously are clueless.
Thank you SO much, those words help more than you know. I know I shouldnt be down on myself, but I am , it’s human nature. I know it will pass but it’s harsh, and hard to take!
His family will make you look bad and if especially when he’s making you the bad guy in the stories. My husband walked out on me but manged to manipulate his stories and even told the absurd lie that I wanted the divorce. Yes, I filed but I didn’t want the divorce and insisted on counseling but was shot down by him and shun from communication.
XAH will tell his side of the story and a friend once gave me a great piece of advice, “Let him tell his story and you tell yours.” It doesn’t matter what they think because it’s his family, even if he did wrong you, they won’t see it because have to be loyal to him. But it’ll only give him another chance to fail another marriage if he should ever find someone to put up with him again.
Take care and I’m here cheering the both of us along!
THANK YOU! Without this blog, seriously I would be “in the dumps” today in a severe way, maybe even in sweatpants, but now I feel like I will be ok, plus I am wearing a sexy dress and heels! I am going to OWN this day! No matter what they say!
Oh I know exactly what you mean! I long to spit out all the reasons why our marriage ended to my ex-in-laws but I keep my mouth shut. It hurts to be shunned and to feel that they think it’s all your fault but you just have to remember that what other people think of you is not important as long as you know yourself that you did your best and continue to do so.
Oh I’ve been there. It is the worst! It does suck, but with time (i know, boooo being patient!) it doesn’t suck as much. In my case the apple didnt fall far from the tree – sounds like that might be your circumstance as well.
They will never understand – it will always be your fault. My ex did the facebook slams… sent libelous emails to everyone we knew… called everyone we knew…. it’s part of the formula. I personally refused to play that game – I maintain to this day it was simple incompatibility compounded over 25 years that broke up the marriage. I refuse to be angry, and I refuse to speak ill of her personally.
In the end, the pettiness and the slanders reflect more on the one spreading them than the one being slandered. It does come back to bite the doer in the end even if it hurts in the interim.
Those of us who have been down this road have all been there and done that – it does get better especially if you stick with your own friends and support network and focus on rebuilding your own life.
I have been there, and it hurts no matter how you cut it. I, too, was very close to my ex’s family–I was closer to them than I was to my own. I sent a very nice letter to my ex’s mom after we split–simply thanking her for having been in my life. What did I get in return? A package in the mail that contained: a) a 5-page letter where she basically tried to say that I was not emotionally evolved enough to maintain a healthy relationshop and that I was leaving a man who is pretty much the equivalent of Jesus Christ; b) a SELF-HELP book; and –wait for it– c) a copy of a beautiful poem about marriage from our wedding ceremony. She actually printed the poem out on fancy stationery–as if I’d want to…I don’t know, frame it? Now that is cruel! I was so hurt. I was livid, too, but mostly hurt. In the end, I remembered the questions I have been asking myself throughout this entire process: “How can I handle this situation with grace and integrity? What can I do now that I will look back on and be proud of?” So, like you, I did nothing. I didn’t respond; I didn’t even acknowledge the package. I wanted so badly to stick up for myself, but in the end, I felt great for not allowing myself to be baited like that. Hang in there, and know that the pain will subside and you will be so proud of handling things like the compassionate, strong, and mature person that you are.
WOW, I am floored by that! That was really low, especially considering it sounds like you sent a letter NOT addressing the problems in your marriage OR placing blame but instead gave thanks for having been there in your life during the happy times, sounds like she needs self help, not you. It also sounds to me as if she was firing back at you because she probably knows deep down you WERE a good person to her son and she was trying to take things out on you. Way to go on not responding, I know it must have been hard not to fire back an attack, but you took the high road and I certainly commend you for that
I haven’t heard a thing from my ex in laws either, and it does hurt very badly. You think you mean something to them. You think about the times you were there for the birth of their children or stayed the night with your mother in law in the hospital and you wonder what they think of you. I fortunately have not heard what lies he is telling about me yet, but I assume he is telling some. I discussed this with my therapist and what she told me gave me comfort. She said, “Just because someone says it doesn’t make it true”. I know that seems obvious, but it really gave me comfort and peace. You acted with integrity and you know the truth of what happened. Just keep being strong!
Stay strong! Their opinions or words are their own problems and insecurities, they cant make you a bad person.
I know it does hurt. Social media or lies and rumors spread in a small town. I will admit I’m not above saying nasty things about my ex. I know you read them. Ha ha–but they all happened. At least I was spreading nasty truths as opposed to what he was doing to destroy my character. As for his family, I haven’t heard a word from a one of them since the day I walked out, but we weren’t close, so that’s no big deal. What IS a big deal, is that they have not contacted my children either. Grandmas, aunt and uncles and most of the cousins. Not a call, birthday card, nothing. Not even when one of my sons was deployed in Kuwait for a year. They are black and soulless people. You rock that dress and heels honey, every one deserves their Mary Tyler Moore day–I remember mine very well. We are all better off without people like that. They are only making fools of themselves when they do that.
After reading the other comments, there’s nothing else I can say… except that I’m really glad you found my blog, thus allowing me to find yours. I feel your pain with this one. I was extremely close to my ex-BF’s parents and remained connected to them for a couple months following our split. Over the past couple months, the vibe from his parents has turned cold. I think this hurts more than our breakup.
Stay strong and remember that other peoples’ actions are about them and have nothing to do with you.